England vs New Zealand

[Scrumhead]

I’m going to the game now so I hope we’re all wrong!!!

[Danno]

Sorry to hear that

[CONVEX HULL]

This thread is quite fun to read, probably more fun that watching the match.

I think that I will be well advised to focus on fabricating raised beds for the allotment of she who must be obeyed at the weekend.

[I R Geech]

Saw this posted on another thread by someone called Elfieldinho, and had to copy it over - superb bit of insight and analysis;

"This is awful behaviour by the Kiwis on here. You can't start complaining about how in a perfect world you'd like something stronger than the world's strongest bench for a game against this England team. It's bollocks and you know it.

'We might miss having ALB on the bench.' You won't sodding miss having ALB on the bench for the simple reason that all of your players are better than all of our players and your team know what they are doing.

None of your team have tits for hands.
All of them can see and exploit space.
They all know what a ruck is and what to do when arriving at one.
Your fly half can pass in both directions
Your scrum half can pass.
Most of them aren't broken by an insane domestic league.

If you want to fret about needing your best team against Ireland, then fair enough. You're a sight better than they are, but they are tough, clever and know how to win.

Against this England team though? You are pretending that you need an optimum line-up to combat the fifth choice pack of a team with a weak pack, playing in front of a halfback pairing that has 'stuttering and workmanlike' as the height of its ambitions. This duo will try to feed a centre pairing made up of a non-crashing crash-ball centre and an out of position Toby Flood impersonator. Behind them lurks our only good centre, hating being a full back. Our wings are good, though one is slow and the other plays with the composure of a puppy that desperately needs to piss. The front row are puddingy novices with an empty shirt saying 'Captain' nestled between them. The locks are good, but not as good as yours and one of them doesn't know the rules. Where are your problems coming from exactly?

Two of the back row might, oddly enough, be pretty good which could catch you off guard for ten minutes or so based on recent experiences. Wilson is probably our best back row forward and yet despite this is actually likely to play, much to his and the fans' collective surprise. Mercer is good (Kiwi dad) and could be picked. There's bound to be a comedian in there somewhere though and at the moment it looks likely to be Brad Shield's beard, currently playing without any help from the rest of Brad Shields.

Honest question. If you blindfolded Hansen, gathered his squad in front of him and had him pick at random, would you win? Maybe you'd need to divide them into thinnies and fatties first just to stop your half-backs having to prop. Assuming he's allowed to do that though, it wouldn't matter a damn who was in, who was out, or even where they were playing.

Either talk honestly about the dry and painful humping you're about to gleefully dish out, or start the thread for the Ireland match early and bicker about which of your world class players makes up the most perfect bench for that game. This disingenuous head scratching about whether you've got the side to do the job for Saturday is dirty pool."

Chapeau that man.

[Mellsblue]

There are a few classics in there.

A second row who doesn’t know the rules and Brad Shield's beard, currently playing without any help from the rest of Brad Shields are my two faves.

p/d will be pining for mad ashton.

[fivepointer]

The Brad Shields beard line made me laugh.

[Lizard]

Just the three New Zealanders, then?

Seriously, what is the game plan with this pack/forwards “finishers”?

[Mellsblue]

I assume we are going to try and bore you into submission.

[p/d]

That is brilliant!!!

The beard, tits for hands, Flood impersonator .......
And this:
'Wilson is probably our best back row forward and yet despite this is actually likely to play'

Fantastic

[Mellsblue]

Looking at the XV that last best NZ I think Jones may have a cunning plan.

[Stom]

Looking at the XV that last best NZ I think Jones may have a cunning plan.

Well, if his idea was to poison the tea at their hotel, he failed as they went to bloody Twickenham!!!

[belgarion]

That is brilliant!!!

The beard, tits for hands, Flood impersonator .......
And this:
'Wilson is probably our best back row forward and yet despite this is actually likely to play'

Fantastic

Quite liked 'composure of a puppy who needs a piss'

[Mellsblue]

That is brilliant!!!

The beard, tits for hands, Flood impersonator .......
And this:
'Wilson is probably our best back row forward and yet despite this is actually likely to play'

Fantastic

Quite liked 'composure of a puppy who needs a piss'

Yep. That was a good one.

[Insouciant]

The selections make so little sense, it is astounding really. Mercer should be on the pitch. Not sure why Shields is involved. Two back rows on the bench, what the f'ck does he think is going to happen to the other two? And Ashton? If the high ball is an issue, surely bring Brown in? I'm definitely falling into the 'if Eddie left before the world cup we wouldn't be any worse' camp.

[WaspInWales]

We're gonna get royally fucked.

[Lizard]

You mean you’ll get “Markled”?

[Timbo]

We're gonna get royally fucked.

Well I suppose if you say this every week you’ll eventually be right.

[WaspInWales]

We're gonna get royally fucked.

Well I suppose if you say this every week you’ll eventually be right.

I mean it this time.

The other times were just clickbait [emoji23]

Sent from my SM-N960F using Tapatalk

[Oakboy]

French referees are notorious for backing a pack that starts off being offended against. How do we smash into NZ without getting on the wrong side of the ref? Getting stuck in early and rattling them is our best chance.

The concern is how many of the eight 10-minute units will see us with fifteen on the pitch.

Looking at Jones's era dispassionately, one real criticism is his teams' inability to marry aggression with discipline.

[p/d]

Jones starts the mind games.....

England fly-half 'doesn't get same protection from referees', says Eddie Jones



"If he was Sexton then we'd be able to complain about him," Jones said.

"But because he's Owen Farrell he's allowed to be hit late. He's tough so he gets up and he plays.

"He's a tough rooster, a warrior. He takes the ball to the line, he puts his body on the line, he doesn't play in a dinner suit."

[WaspInWales]

He's not just a tough rooster, he's a bloody god amongst mere men.

Sent from my SM-N960F using Tapatalk

[Mr Mwenda]

He's not a rooster, he's a very naughty boy!

[Stom]

So basically, he's saying he's a cock.

[Peat]

Looking at Jones's era dispassionately, one real criticism is his teams' inability to marry aggression with discipline.

Yup. Even when things were going well, it was an obvious weak point.


Anyway, I just looked at the team sheet and was taken aback afresh at just how weak we are. You'd be feeling a wee bit nervous about sending that mob off to Cardiff or Embra, nevermind asking them to have a shot at NZ.

[p/d]

So basically, he's saying he's a cock.

in leisure wear