The Cringe/Hate Thread

[J Dory]

Folk at a gig who think they own the space around them...Haha.

People who boil asparagus....

Drunk people who aren't me..

How do you cook asparagus? Boiling standing upright with the tips out of the water is the only way for me. Grilling turns it to dry woody shite.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Asparagus.

I fecking hate asparagus. I don't care how you cook the fecking stuff or how much you try to mask its taste by ladling butter over it. And anyone who claims to get a boner watching his/her partner nosh the stuff is off their fecking rocker!

[canta_brian]

People who squeeze past cyclists despite being able to see that there is a red light just 100 yards down the road.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

People who squeeze past cyclists despite being able to see that there is a red light just 100 yards down the road.

Ah c'mon fella! By the time ye sit behind a cyclist for 100 yards the lights will have turned from red to green and back again. Squeeze past the ballix so that ye can have the best viewing spot when he ignores the red light anyway and gets creamed by the number 72 to Ballyhack!

[morepork]

On the traveling/flying theme; people who regale you with their air mile obsession, detailing every painful detail of their upgrade status, credit card rewards program, unamusing check in anecdotes, and all manner of shit that is entirely irrelevant to me. You are so utterly tedious. Please fuck off. I would literally prefer to listen to you talk about your cunting children.

[J Dory]

On the traveling/flying theme; people who regale you with their air mile obsession, detailing every painful detail of their upgrade status, credit card rewards program, unamusing check in anecdotes, and all manner of shit that is entirely irrelevant to me. You are so utterly tedious. Please fuck off. I would literally prefer to listen to you talk about your cunting children.

My kids have more airmiles than most adults. It's a funny story, but when they were born, we decided to go to NZ before they were 2 because after 2 you have to pay a full fare. Well we signed up for the Air Canada rewards program, which is the same program we use with our CIBC Visa Infinite card, anyway, where was I, oh yes, fuck you you miserable cunt. The end.

[morepork]

Talk to the hand fish-boy.

[Stones of granite]

People who squeeze past cyclists despite being able to see that there is a red light just 100 yards down the road.

More normal is to have some cunt squeeze past me to turn left across my front wheel, never mind 100 yards away.

[canta_brian]

People who squeeze past cyclists despite being able to see that there is a red light just 100 yards down the road.

More normal is to have some cunt squeeze past me to turn left across my front wheel, never mind 100 yards away.

Yep. I've been beeped at for not doing that. Heaven forbid the moron has to wait 10 or 15 seconds.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

People who squeeze past cyclists despite being able to see that there is a red light just 100 yards down the road.

More normal is to have some cunt squeeze past me to turn left across my front wheel, never mind 100 yards away.

I did that yesterday - and loved it.

Stop acting like Mary-Fecking-Poppins and get a proper mode of transport ye big Jessie!

[Adder]

Team building events lasting more than a day.

Sent from my SM-J500FN using Tapatalk

[Stones of granite]

People who squeeze past cyclists despite being able to see that there is a red light just 100 yards down the road.

More normal is to have some cunt squeeze past me to turn left across my front wheel, never mind 100 yards away.

I did that yesterday - and loved it.

Stop acting like Mary-Fecking-Poppins and get a proper mode of transport ye big Jessie!

My bike isn't a mode of transport, that's what my car is for.
My bike is my release, my joy, my means of spending a couple of hours out using muscles, sinews, joints to propel me through the beauty of the Scottish countryside. I wave to roe, nod to hare, I breathe the broom and gorse scented air of the Ochil hills. Most of all, I get away from sitting on my arse in front of a computer all day, and put some distance from my recalcitrant 17-year shitting his life away yelling obscenities across the internet at some other fuckwits in what I believe is called "multi-player mode".

So, the last thing I want is some argyle sweater wearing twunt turning his Audi Q5 across my front wheel while I'm doing 15mph because he can't wait behind me for the 3 extra seconds it would take me to clear his driveway.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Poetic, so it is. Please tell me you wear tweed to take this all in?

[Banquo]

Team building events
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fixed. If you need them, you are fooked
Unless you mean going to the pub

[Stones of granite]

Poetic, so it is. Please tell me you wear tweed to take this all in?

Nah. Tried it. It chafes.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Poetic, so it is. Please tell me you wear tweed to take this all in?

Nah. Tried it. It chafes.

Dead right. Mary Poppins had thighs like a couple of red snapper fillets.

[Stones of granite]

Poetic, so it is. Please tell me you wear tweed to take this all in?

Nah. Tried it. It chafes.

Dead right. Mary Poppins had thighs like a couple of red snapper fillets.

Mmmm, Mary Poppins thighs......back in 10

[SerjeantWildgoose]

.... Maybe realize ...

Fecking Americans taking liberties with the spelling of Her Majesty's English, swapping esses for zeds and dropping vitally important ewes!

[Galfon]

People who squeeze past cyclists despite being able to see that there is a red light just 100 yards down the road.

More normal is to have some cunt squeeze past me to turn left across my front wheel, never mind 100 yards away.

It's a new scourge defo..roads always busy, small cars now wide as buses, all cars nippy as 'ell and drivers brought up on computer games and Top-Gear...used to ride a Carlton road-bike nearly 40
yr.ago - day/night, town/country, p!ssed/sober, no 'elmit. never crashed.Got an old C.Butler moon-tin bike last year and now know why peeps go cycling
Sun mornings..it's about the only time the wazzocks are not aboutt.Any other time it's stay off the A-roads..

[Stones of granite]

.... Maybe realize ...

Fecking Americans taking liberties with the spelling of Her Majesty's English, swapping esses for zeds and dropping vitally important ewes!

Dastardly Brits put a tax on esses and ewes. King was a boxheed, so zeds were exempt and OK to swap for esses, but nothing compares to ewes.

[Lizard]

"Queen's" English, my arse. Her maj. is as English as sauerkraut and foie gras.

[canta_brian]

"Queen's" English, my arse. Her maj. is as English as sauerkraut and foie gras.

You mean her ancestors moved to an island nation from a land far away many years before her birth? Can't be too many New Zealanders around if we follow your rules.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Nuw Zailindars wuth thair ruckliss yuse of vuwils.

[Mellsblue]

[morepork]

Over use, or indeed use at all, of the word super as an adverb.

"My thrush is super itchy."
"I am super excited about my new job".


Not cool.