Crap Joke fred.

[Galfon]

a cross between a rabbit and a frog ?
..bunny ribbit.

[Galfon]

The barman at our local pub kept calling this guy at the bar 'donkey..'
I asked the guy why this was.
He said 'dunno - ee-aw, ee-aw, ee-aw'lways
calls me that...'

[morepork]

You are in danger of being put down my friend.

[J Dory]

On the animal noise themes , if you pour petrol on a cat , ignite it , it goes " Woooooof .!"

You can make a dog go meow with a freezer and a band saw.

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

[Galfon]

Went to a local zoo today for the first time, and all they had in the animal house was one small dog.
It was a shih tzu.

[Galfon]

A man walked into a bar and was surprised to see a dog sitting at a table sipping whisky.
The man walked over, said hello and commented how unusual it was to see a dog in the pub sipping whisky.
Dog: 'I'm not surprised with these prices..'

[Discreet Hooker]

A man walked into a bar and was surprised to see a dog sitting at a table sipping whisky.
The man walked over, said hello and commented how unusual it was to see a dog in the pub sipping whisky.
Dog: 'I'm not surprised with these prices..'

' BUZZER ' ~ repeat offender alert

[Discreet Hooker]

They don't watch ' Dads Army ' in Upham . apparently they don't like it.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

An Irish pigeon, a Scottish pigeon and an English pigeon are sitting on the edge of the roof of the Asamblea Nacional in Caracas.

The Irish pigeon says, "Coooooo."

The Scottish pigeon says, "Fresian or Herefordshire?"

The English pigeon points out that his Irish colleague was in fact referring to the group of Army officers who had entered the building bent on overthrowing the democratically elected government.

[AL.]

- Doctor doctor, I need help. I have a lettuce leaf hanging out my arse, can you remove it?

- You had best brace yourself my man, that just the tip of the iceberg.

[Galfon]

A man drowned this morning while eating a bowl of muesli.
He was dragged down by a strong currant.

[Buggaluggs]

These jokes are too good. We need more crap.

[Galfon]

easy done..

Donald Duck went on the lash on a Saturday night in Vegas, went to a show, got lucky on the slots and finished the night on a high by copping off with a local chick who he took back to his hotel room.
Impressed by his unique anatomy she pleaded for some oral fun, so he called room service for a bottle of bubbly and an extra large condom.
Because of his celebrity status they brought the items straight to his room..
'The champagne is complementary Mr Duck' said the room attendant, 'but we do charge for accessories such as condoms...would you like to pay now sir ?..'
DD: .'No, just put it on the Bill..'

[Spiffy]

A man walked into a bar and was surprised to see a dog sitting at a table sipping whisky.
The man walked over, said hello and commented how unusual it was to see a dog in the pub sipping whisky.
Dog: 'I'm not surprised with these prices..'

After a hard day and night's drinking, a bloke standing at the bar can't hold it any longer, turns around and vomits all over a Jack Russell terrier belonging to the man beside him.
"Jaysus - I don't remember eating that at all."

[Galfon]

The dog moaning about the drinks prices was eventually asked to leave for being disruptive.
Unhappy at this, he crouched on the way out and left a large deposit on the floor near the door.
The first punter through the door didn't see it, slipped and skidded along the length of the bar crashing into the table and chairs at the end of the bar.
The next customer in did exactly the same.
The First customer grinned and said 'I did that!'
The second customer shouted back 'Ye durty bastard!' and smacked him one.

[Buggaluggs]

If life gives you melons. You are probably dyslexic.

[Galfon]

After a talking sheepdog got all the sheep in the pen, he reported back to the farmer:
'All 30 accounted for sir.'
'But I only have 28 sheep!,' said the farmer.
' I've rounded them up' replied the dog.

[Spiffy]

Patient : Doctor - I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doc : Pull yourself together man!
............................................................................
Doctor : Here - aren't you the bloke who came in here yesterday, thinking he was a moth, and I arranged for you to visit a shrink today?
Patient : Yes doc - I was on my way there but noticed your light was on.

[Galfon]

Doctor : Here - aren't you the bloke who came in here yesterday, thinking he was a moth, and I arranged for you to visit a shrink today?
Patient : Yes doc - I was on my way there but noticed your light was on.

Langer alert!..this moth has flown in here earlier..
(the better CJ's will re-surface one would expect..)

Customer: 'This coffee is disgusting.it looks and smells like dirt, and tastes as bad as it smells.'
Barrista: 'Well it is fresh ground..'

[Spiffy]

Bloke in ancient Athens goes into a tailor's shop and pulls out a tattered old pair of pants :

Tailor : Euripides?
Customer : yes - Eumenides?
Tailor : Naw... Demosthenes.

[AL.]

Whats the difference between light and hard?

You can still get to sleep with a light-on.

[Galfon]

Patient: I feel on edge all the time. Last week I thought I was a wig-wam, this week I'm a teepee.
Doctor: You need to try and relax, you're two tents..

[Galfon]

Doctor: How are you sleeping at the moment ?
Patient: Not good, last night I had a nightmare where I was choking to death on a giant marshmallow.When I awoke, I found one of my pillows was missing.

[Discreet Hooker]

Three crosseyed defendants in the dock at court . . . .

The crosseyed magistrate said to the 1st defendant " How do you plead .?"
Th second defendant said " Not guilty ."
The magistrate said " I wasn't speaking to you . "
The third defendant piped up " I never said a word . "

[Galfon]

Police in Wigan are still waiting to question 3 young men after a raid on a curry house last night
where they were found unconscious in a large tub of curry in a back room.
Police said they had all been in a korma.