The Cringe/Hate Thread

[onlynameleft]

People who don't know how to use 'myself'.
"Please contact myself"
Seriously, fuck off.

[rowan]

How about people who park their trolleys in the queue at the grocery store register then carry on doing their shopping
& those who are in such a darned hurry to get in the queue ahead of you but then take all day and shoot the breeze while getting served as if they've got all day

& then, of course, there are those complete TYRANTS who enter the fast lane with more than 5 items in their baskets! I've seen them with as many as ten or twelve on occasions. Unbelievable
Oh, & let's not forget the credit card payments for a mere few items that always takes about SIX HOURS because there is something wrong with the card or the freaking machine
& what's with those imbeciles who don't even get their wallets or purses out until the teller has actually added up everything, told them the total, then waited politely for a few seconds with other customers to serve? Do you think it might have occurred to them at some stage before this that they would actually have to pay for everything?

& the complete & utter negative IQ knuckle draggers who goto a s;ef serve cash machine clearly marked as 'CARD ONLY', scan all their
items, get a total, spend 5mins trying toi find their wallet/purse, open said wallet & purse & then wonder why the machine wont't accep
their crisp £5/£10 pund notes or shiny pound coins.

Yes, also exceedingly annoying

& then there's the impatient bastard behind you who insists on pushing his items right into yours on the conveyer belt so that the teller gets mixed up, scans the wrong items and has to do the whole thing over again. This is very common in Turkey - and usually the local fellow somehow ends up getting served before me after the teller has finally sorted out the mess he created with his impatience in the first place

[Coco]

People who drive too slow and posters that overuse emojis. *stares at Rowan*

[Lizard]

People that wait until they are right at the x-ray machine at airport security before emptying pockets, getting out laptop, removing jousting armour etc. there should be a beginners' lane for these people. They are the same people as those who stand up and get in the aisle the minute the plane stops as if that will get the door open quicker.

[Spiffy]

People that wait until they are right at the x-ray machine at airport security before emptying pockets, getting out laptop, removing jousting armour etc. there should be a beginners' lane for these people. They are the same people as those who stand up and get in the aisle the minute the plane stops as if that will get the door open quicker.

You are too hard on them. Often the poor boggers just bursting for a piss.

[Lizard]

I know you're probably used to Ryan Air but Air New Zealand's planes have loos onboard, and it's absolutely free to use them!

Even if not, I don't see how standing around with your head jammed up underneath the overhead bins helps in the urinary desperation stakes.

[rowan]

Don't think I've ever flown Ryan Air, but I had a couple of horrifying experiences with Easyjet which convinced me never to use them again. The first time I didn't realize there were no seats allocated and patiently waited at the end of the queue - only to find myself stuck bang in the middle of the middle row with no view whatsoever as we flew over the Pyrenees.

Then coming back the last two people aboard were an attractive young lady and I, but with a fair few seats remaining empty the flight attendants decided to put her in a row by herself and stick me in with a family whose baby cried most of the way. Idiots!

I think only the French have a sense of romance when it comes to travel. Every time I've used a French airline or travelled around that country by train, I've ended up with an attractive young woman sitting next to me. I even got a couple of dates that Way!
Vive la France !

[rowan]

Cretins who complain about emojis and pictures of Brazilian babes on a RUGBY forum that PROVIDES emojis

[Stones of granite]

Don't think I've ever flown Ryan Air, but I had a couple of horrifying experiences with Easyjet which convinced me never to use them again. The first time I didn't realize there were no seats allocated and patiently waited at the end of the queue - only to find myself stuck bang in the middle of the middle row with no view whatsoever as we flew over the Pyrenees.

Then coming back the last two people aboard were an attractive young lady and I, but with a fair few seats remaining empty the flight attendants decided to put her in a row by herself and stick me in with a family whose baby cried most of the way. Idiots!

I think only the French have a sense of romance when it comes to travel. Every time I've used a French airline or travelled around that country by train, I've ended up with an attractive young woman sitting next to me. I even got a couple of dates that Way!
Vive la France !

If you fly Air France as often as I do (at least once per month), you'll soon be disabused of that idea.

Ryanair make Easyjet look like the airline of your dreams.

[rowan]

Don't think I've ever flown Ryan Air, but I had a couple of horrifying experiences with Easyjet which convinced me never to use them again. The first time I didn't realize there were no seats allocated and patiently waited at the end of the queue - only to find myself stuck bang in the middle of the middle row with no view whatsoever as we flew over the Pyrenees.

Then coming back the last two people aboard were an attractive young lady and I, but with a fair few seats remaining empty the flight attendants decided to put her in a row by herself and stick me in with a family whose baby cried most of the way. Idiots!

I think only the French have a sense of romance when it comes to travel. Every time I've used a French airline or travelled around that country by train, I've ended up with an attractive young woman sitting next to me. I even got a couple of dates that Way!
Vive la France !

If you fly Air France as often as I do (at least once per month), you'll soon be disabused of that idea.

Ryanair make Easyjet look like the airline of your dreams.

Certainly glad I've never used them then! I think those kinds of airlines really came in with the backpackers craze - like hostels with 20 people to a room. I could do that even a decade ago but not any more. I'd prefer to pay the extra and have my comforts. As for France, maybe I just got lucky

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Golf

and Golfers. With their argyle pattern lambswool sweaters and socks. The wankstains.

Hear, hear!

And by the same token, Snooker and snooker players. With their poxy tuxedos and learning difficulties. The arse-wipes.

[Stones of granite]

Golf

and Golfers. With their argyle pattern lambswool sweaters and socks. The wankstains.

Hear, hear!

And by the same token, Snooker and snooker players. With their poxy tuxedos and learning difficulties. The arse-wipes.

Don't forget cyclists - the middle-aged men in lycra twats with their old, no longer used argyle pattern socks stuffed down the front of their Italian branded Chinese lycra shorts.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

People in the moving lane on escalators that just stop dead as they approach the top/bottom. What is this? Why do you exist? What are you afraid of? That you won't manage the transition? Have you just got a bit tired and need a rest? Are you aware of the 30 people behind you having to slam to a halt?

My god. Fuck off.

I emerged from the Underground at Covent Garden a few weeks ago into a light shower of rain - or rather I didn't because the 40-odd feckers in front of me had stopped while the escalators and tunstiles behind continued to disgorge more people into the crush. Some clearly regular gob-shyte twat of a female local had the neck to shove me and tell me that I, "could not stop there!"

It is rare that I am able to immediately summon the response that, on reflection, I would have wished. But this time the words came pretty well instinctively. My brief but commanding, "Hold your tongue, woman!" not only gave me a deserving air of the Quiet Man, but drew warm approval from the several adjacent and similarly frustrated logs in the jam.

So, Mikey, to your justified loathing of those who stop without reason or justification at the head (Or more dangerously) the foot of escalators, I would wish to add those self-righteous cunts who believe that it is their responsibility to add to the frustrations from the rear!

[SerjeantWildgoose]

People who don't know how to use 'myself'.
"Please contact myself"
Seriously, fuck off.

Oh I don't know, ONL. I'm really quite fond of the odd bout of abusing myself.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Golf

and Golfers. With their argyle pattern lambswool sweaters and socks. The wankstains.

Hear, hear!

And by the same token, Snooker and snooker players. With their poxy tuxedos and learning difficulties. The arse-wipes.

Don't forget cyclists - the middle-aged men in lycra twats with their old, no longer used argyle pattern socks stuffed down the front of their Italian branded Chinese lycra shorts.

By contrast I quite like the dribs and drabs of power-walking farmers' wives that hog the hard shoulder along all of Ireland's roads south and west of Athlone. Not a hint of lycra or spandex, their only concession to their exertions being a pair of Poundstretcher daps and the careful balancing of the loads carried in their pair of Supermac carrier bags.

[Stones of granite]

Hear, hear!

And by the same token, Snooker and snooker players. With their poxy tuxedos and learning difficulties. The arse-wipes.

Don't forget cyclists - the middle-aged men in lycra twats with their old, no longer used argyle pattern socks stuffed down the front of their Italian branded Chinese lycra shorts.

By contrast I quite like the dribs and drabs of power-walking farmers' wives that hog the hard shoulder along all of Ireland's roads south and west of Athlone. Not a hint of lycra or spandex, their only concession to their exertions being a pair of Poundstretcher daps and the careful balancing of the loads carried in their pair of Supermac carrier bags.

Ah now, you've got me there. I've only been to Athlone once - in 1932. It was 1992 when I left Scotland, but it was definitely 1932 when I reached Athlone.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Don't forget cyclists - the middle-aged men in lycra twats with their old, no longer used argyle pattern socks stuffed down the front of their Italian branded Chinese lycra shorts.

By contrast I quite like the dribs and drabs of power-walking farmers' wives that hog the hard shoulder along all of Ireland's roads south and west of Athlone. Not a hint of lycra or spandex, their only concession to their exertions being a pair of Poundstretcher daps and the careful balancing of the loads carried in their pair of Supermac carrier bags.

Ah now, you've got me there. I've only been to Athlone once - in 1932. It was 1992 when I left Scotland, but it was definitely 1932 when I reached Athlone.

This dates you. Your visit clearly took place around the time that they got the 'lectric in.

[onlynameleft]

People who don't know how to use 'myself'.
"Please contact myself"
Seriously, fuck off.

Oh I don't know, ONL. I'm really quite fond of the odd bout of abusing myself.

But that would be a correct use of the word. It's not entirely redundant, merely not a straight substitute for 'me' which I appreciate is news to thousands of travel agents and other sales people. As a reflexive pronoun or intensifier I have a lot of time for it.

[Coco]

Golf

and Golfers. With their argyle pattern lambswool sweaters and socks. The wankstains.

Hear, hear!

And by the same token, Snooker and snooker players. With their poxy tuxedos and learning difficulties. The arse-wipes.

Don't forget cyclists - the middle-aged men in lycra twats with their old, no longer used argyle pattern socks stuffed down the front of their Italian branded Chinese lycra shorts.

Yes, cyclists. They travel in packs of 25-50 taking up the entire right lane even though there is a designated bicycle lane for them. They run red lights, stop signs, and expect drivers to stop and let the pack through intersections because they do not want to slow their momentum. They have the same rights on the road but feel they are above the traffic laws.... Snobs.

[Stones of granite]

Hear, hear!

And by the same token, Snooker and snooker players. With their poxy tuxedos and learning difficulties. The arse-wipes.

Don't forget cyclists - the middle-aged men in lycra twats with their old, no longer used argyle pattern socks stuffed down the front of their Italian branded Chinese lycra shorts.

Yes, cyclists. They travel in packs of 25-50 taking up the entire right lane even though there is a designated bicycle lane for them. They run red lights, stop signs, and expect drivers to stop and let the pack through intersections because they do not want to slow their momentum. They have the same rights on the road but feel they are above the traffic laws.... Snobs.

When I cycled in Texas, it was always advisable to cycle in packs of 25+ because every redneck twat with a pickup truck thought it was a hoot to run bikes off the road. Mind you, force of numbers doesn't always stop them.

[Coco]

Don't forget cyclists - the middle-aged men in lycra twats with their old, no longer used argyle pattern socks stuffed down the front of their Italian branded Chinese lycra shorts.

Yes, cyclists. They travel in packs of 25-50 taking up the entire right lane even though there is a designated bicycle lane for them. They run red lights, stop signs, and expect drivers to stop and let the pack through intersections because they do not want to slow their momentum. They have the same rights on the road but feel they are above the traffic laws.... Snobs.

When I cycled in Texas, it was always advisable to cycle in packs of 25+ because every redneck twat with a pickup truck thought it was a hoot to run bikes off the road. Mind you, force of numbers doesn't always stop them.

Well... Rednecks and hillbillies have that mentality. I dont mind the packs but they need to adhere to the traffic laws.... Maybe realize they are not going to win in a scuffle with a vehicle.

[wanderingjock]

Folk at a gig who think they own the space around them...Haha.

People who boil asparagus....

Drunk people who aren't me..

[wanderingjock]

People who add the question 'Brookes?' When they ask where I went to uni. Haha

[SerjeantWildgoose]

I wasn't aware the University of Hull has a Brookes College?

[Adder]

People who cycle on yhe pavement...

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