Crap Joke fred.

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Galfon »

A bloke down the pub recently lent his best mate ten grand to get much needed cosmetic surgery done.
He's now moaning he can't get the money back - he hasn't the foggiest idea what he looks like.
( kfc )
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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Galfon »

I went to the Greengrocer to get an onion for my casserole. He only had a small shrivelled looking one left on display-
"Is that all you've got ?"  I asked.
"Yes, that's shallot..." he said.
(tony b)
 
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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Galfon »

Five fi' Fringe 19, that registered on the Crapometer: :)

1-Did you hear about the flea that went to the moon ? ..Lunatic.
[Felix & the Scootermen]

2- In his job my dad’s never lost a case. That makes him Gatwick’s top baggage handler.
[Glenn Moore]

3- My mate came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition. He was close, but no cigar.
[Goose]

4- After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging..
[Richard Pulsford]

5- To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian..
[Mark Simmons]
Adder
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Adder »

Trudeau jokes are outImage

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Adder
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Adder »

"Caramba! I should've known it was Justin Trudeau!"Image

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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Buggaluggs »

My local shop keeper is being hailed a hero. He took on a robber armed only with his label gun.

Police said the man got away. But there's a price on his head.
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Puja
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Puja »

I keep getting the words yakuza and jacuzzi confused. Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

Puja
Backist Monk
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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Galfon »

What might you get If you cross Elton John with a fish ?

a Piano Tuna.
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Puja
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Puja »

It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub.

It's a thirty-five minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

Puja
Backist Monk
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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Buggaluggs »

Puja wrote:It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub.

It's a thirty-five minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

Puja
Very good.
Image
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Which Tyler
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Which Tyler »

A Scotsman walks into a bar...

Usually he'd be joined by an Englishamn, an Irishman and a Welshman - but they're all still in Japan
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Puja
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Puja »

FB_IMG_1571232322070.jpg
Puja
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Backist Monk
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Mellsblue
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Mellsblue »

Pillaged straight from Tindall on House of Rugby, with a small change so it makes sense:

What’s the barrier stopping a Tier 2 side becoming a Tier 1 side?
Hadrian’s Wall.
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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Galfon »

Local police have warned of firm action if there are reports of any more illegal raves whilst restrictions are in place.They will not hesitate to intervene if those present are not spaced out enough.
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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Galfon »

-What type of sea-water fish has patterns of dots and dashes on it's back ?
-Morse Cod
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Which Tyler
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Which Tyler »

After seeing half a country reject wearing a mask during a pandemic, I would ike to apologise to the filmakers of every horror film ever made for calling their characters unbelievably dumb for going into the murder basement.
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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Buggaluggs »

Last night my wife said to me, "You didn't listen to a word I said, did you?"
I thought, "That's an odd way to start a conversation"
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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Galfon »

My wife has just sold the Dyson I bought her for Xmas -
she said it was just gathering dust.
Digby
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Digby »

Which Tyler wrote:After seeing half a country reject wearing a mask during a pandemic, I would ike to apologise to the filmakers of every horror film ever made for calling their characters unbelievably dumb for going into the murder basement.
I would like to think you're now to be found lurking in a dark cellar wearing a mask
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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Galfon »

It's International Joke day apparently :)

-What's green with four legs, and could kill you if it fell on you from a tree ?
- A billiard table
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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Galfon »

The Queen was reportedly seen in the grounds of Windsor Castle yesterday acknowledging cheers from the public. It was a brief appearance however, and the second wave was avoided.
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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Galfon »

Image
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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Buggaluggs »

My last vacation was in Egypt. I thought the pyramids were nice - up to a point.
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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Post by Galfon »

Man:  Just spent the weekend in Poole.
Friend:  In Dorset ?
Man:  Aye, recommend it to anyone..
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