RugbyRebels

So me and about 8 mates are sorting out a boys weekend away in a couple of weeks. One of them's got a house on a lake near Rotorua, with a boat, BBQ, good mountain biking nearby etc. We've all known each other for years and our wives are all friends as well - quite a tight group from Uni days.

Except for Darren.

Darren was a bit late to the party. There was one woman who was part of the wives group but who was not married and didn't ever seem to have a boyfriend. There was nothing seriously wrong with her, except she wouldn't ever shut up long enough for a bloke to get in enough words to ask her out. And when she ran out of smart or interesting things to say, she would merrily carry on prattling total garbage. So we'd written her off as permanently single.

Until Darren turned up.

Somehow he managed to not only get this girl on a date or two, he somehow managed to get her to be quiet long enough to pop the question. Maybe he wrote it on a whiteboard or something. Anyway, like most blokes who are left on the shelf and have their first wedding in their mid/late-30s, he's, um, a bit dull. I once had to sit with him in the pub for half an hour until the other blokes showed up, and used up all my conversation starters in about 5 minutes. And this guys got a baby. Normally, with boring new dads, you just ask how the parenting is going and that's convo sorted for an hour or so of shit, puke and "it's-all-worth-it-in-the-end" yarns. Not Darren. He said, "Yep. Baby's good" and went back to his sav blanc (oh - he's "gluten free" so won't drink beer).

Anyway, we've got a WhatsApp group to discuss the logistics and who can contribute what. Some guys will carpool and cover fuel, one's got a trailer-with-a-cage for the bikes, I'm taking a keg of homebrew (wet-hopped IPA, if you want to know), some others will bring some meat, the ones with money but no kitchen skillz are paying for a cleaner etc.

And what, pray, is Darren bringin? Bloody Darren has offered to bring some of his home-made, gluten-free breakfast cereal.

So, suggestions please on how to not tell Darren to fuck off within about half an hour of getting there.

Slip some gluten into his drink or food on the first day and just accept you’ll have one less bog for the duration of the hols but a lot more fun.

As an aside, going by the description of Darren’s wife, I assume you’ve advised her that she’d fit right in here on RR?

How much would I need? Would a light sprinkle of white flour on his cappuccino do it, or will I need to be trying to smuggle a bushel of wheat into the slow-cooked pulled pork?

Lizard wrote:How much would I need? Would a light sprinkle of white flour on his cappuccino do it, or will I need to be trying to smuggle a bushel of wheat into the slow-cooked pulled pork?

If NZ is anything like over here, you'd need an entire bakery! As he probably isn't gluten intolerant at all...

I don’t know if he’s just a trendy-Wendy about it or is full-on coeliac. I do know that he said that he couldn’t drink beer because of the gluten in “hops.” I don’t even need to google that to know there is no fucking gluten in the flower of a plant not even remotely related to wheat.

I would assume his intolerance is not particularly lethal if he hasn’t figured out that its barley that causes the gluten issue with beer.

Lizard wrote:I don’t know if he’s just a trendy-Wendy about it or is full-on coeliac. I do know that he said that he couldn’t drink beer because of the gluten in “hops.” I don’t even need to google that to know there is no fucking gluten in the flower of a plant not even remotely related to wheat.

I would assume his intolerance is not particularly lethal if he hasn’t figured out that its barley that causes the gluten issue with beer.

Certainly worth finding out.

Yeah. Take an epi pen just in case. He sounds a riot. Maybe you could send him out for shrooms in the early morning?

morepork wrote: Take an epi pen just in case.

Snowflake.

I'll cut you bitch

Lizard wrote: I would assume his intolerance is not particularly lethal if he hasn’t figured out that its barley that causes the gluten issue with beer.

Correct, hops are gluten free.
In beer it is from the malt and other barley derived grist components.
Sorghum (gluten free) beer can be found.
Maize, a common starch adjunct, is also ok.
If he was a true coeliac he would know his lists I would think.

There’s at least one NZ brewery (Scotts) that makes a fairly decent GF pale ale using sorghum, buckwheat and corn for its malt. (The brewer is gluten intolerant himself.) I reckon it lacks a bit of mouthfeel but no worse than many other traditional barley based options in that ABV range.