The Cringe/Hate Thread

[OptimisticJock]

Sob stories. Why does everyone have to have their back story told on tv? Some ski type person in floods of tears, now if her grand father has just died then fine, and I now know she's divorced and the family has been through emotional turmoil and... and I don't give a fuck. We've all got a story, hell I once spilled a pint but I don't bang on about it.

[J Dory]

Sob stories. Why does everyone have to have their back story told on tv? Some ski type person in floods of tears, now if her grand father has just died then fine, and I now know she's divorced and the family has been through emotional turmoil and... and I don't give a fuck. We've all got a story, hell I once spilled a pint but I don't bang on about it.

Sorry to hear about your pint Jock.

[OptimisticJock]

Sob stories. Why does everyone have to have their back story told on tv? Some ski type person in floods of tears, now if her grand father has just died then fine, and I now know she's divorced and the family has been through emotional turmoil and... and I don't give a fuck. We've all got a story, hell I once spilled a pint but I don't bang on about it.

Sorry to hear about your pint Jock.

Thanks mate. It's still hard to talk about.

[Buggaluggs]

putting the word "strong" after the name of anything that's experienced any kind of misfortune.

[OptimisticJock]

#EnglandStrong will be trending on Saturday.

[rowan]

Friends with motorcycles, maybe you can help. Is there a reason why you might start up your bike and then sit on it for about 30 minutes while it idles, preferably around 2am? Oh you might sit there and check this or you might check that or adjust this or that, tighten this strap or that one before heading out. But what's with the 30 minutes?

[Stones of granite]

Friends with motorcycles, maybe you can help. Is there a reason why you might start up your bike and then sit on it for about 30 minutes while it idles, preferably around 2am? Oh you might sit there and check this or you might check that or adjust this or that, tighten this strap or that one before heading out. But what's with the 30 minutes?

Depends on the neighbours....

[Galfon]

'Perfect!..'
No it can't be..i've waited 10 mins. to buy a coffee whilst you mess about frothing the milk for the previous customer, your false smile is as transparent as Mrs G's night-attire, I didn't have the exact amount and you appeared to struggle with counting cash to present me with correct change.
The coffee was fine , to be fair.

[rowan]

Reminds me of the time I was waiting for a coffee at Starbucks (one of the very few times in my life I went to that shithole), and you have to queue up there because they don't have table service in spite of charging you the earth for a coffee (which tastes more like a milkshake), and there were two delikanlilar (Turkish for young men) serving, and when it came to my turn the delikanli just turned into a statue and refused to make eye-contact with me, let alone greet me and take my order. This continued for several long seconds, the delikanli frozen as though petrified by the Madusa's head (which I've actually seen, as it resides in this city). Very strange indeed - until I happened to notice there were two attractive young ladies waiting right behind me! Frozen delikanli was obviously hoping the other delikanli would finish serving his customer and attend to me, thus freeing him (frozen delikanli) up to speak with the attractive young ladies. But the other delikanli was evidenly wise to the game and craftily bided his time. Eventually frozen delikanli was obliged to serve me, which he did with all the cheer of an MMA fighter at the weigh-in, at which point his companion immediately finished serving his customer and pounced upon the two attractive young ladies.

[Longshanks]

Walk into a bar/shop wearing a collared rugby shirt and server asks which football team I support. Get ta fuck ya ignorant prick

[rowan]

Facebook video clips providing us with the sob stories of the rich & famous, all grew up through heartbreakingly troubled childhoods, their parents were divorced, they were bullied at school, nobody understood them Strange that most of them seem to be white North Americans, though the latest one I just saw was about Elon Musk, who grew up in Apartheid South Africa . . .

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Reminds me of the time I was waiting for a coffee at Starbucks (one of the very few times in my life I went to that shithole), and you have to queue up there because they don't have table service in spite of charging you the earth for a coffee (which tastes more like a milkshake), and there were two delikanlilar (Turkish for young men) serving, and when it came to my turn the delikanli just turned into a statue and refused to make eye-contact with me, let alone greet me and take my order. This continued for several long seconds, the delikanli frozen as though petrified by the Madusa's head (which I've actually seen, as it resides in this city). Very strange indeed - until I happened to notice there were two attractive young ladies waiting right behind me! Frozen delikanli was obviously hoping the other delikanli would finish serving his customer and attend to me, thus freeing him (frozen delikanli) up to speak with the attractive young ladies. But the other delikanli was evidenly wise to the game and craftily bided his time. Eventually frozen delikanli was obliged to serve me, which he did with all the cheer of an MMA fighter at the weigh-in, at which point his companion immediately finished serving his customer and pounced upon the two attractive young ladies.

Have ye thought of putting on a bit of lipstick and stuffing a couple of cushions up your vest?

[rowan]

Think I'd rather be ignored by customer service imbeciles than gawked at and slobbered all over, thanks all the same...

I remember standing in a queue at airport customs one time and the security guys looked so friendly and cheerful, smiling broadly as they chatted away with a group of young foreign ladies. Made me feel much more relaxed about the whole thing. But the moment the ladies had moved on and it was my turn the officers underwent a transformation more remarkable than Jeckyll & Hyde, the Incredible Hulk or Goofy when he gets behind the wheel of an automobile! Scenes from Midnight Express began to flash through my mind as they proceeded to search and interrogate me with all the charm of a pair of concentration camp guards. It was obvious I had completely ruined their day by not being an attractive young lady.

[Numbers]

Reminds me of the time I was waiting for a coffee at Starbucks (one of the very few times in my life I went to that shithole), and you have to queue up there because they don't have table service in spite of charging you the earth for a coffee (which tastes more like a milkshake), and there were two delikanlilar (Turkish for young men) serving, and when it came to my turn the delikanli just turned into a statue and refused to make eye-contact with me, let alone greet me and take my order. This continued for several long seconds, the delikanli frozen as though petrified by the Madusa's head (which I've actually seen, as it resides in this city). Very strange indeed - until I happened to notice there were two attractive young ladies waiting right behind me! Frozen delikanli was obviously hoping the other delikanli would finish serving his customer and attend to me, thus freeing him (frozen delikanli) up to speak with the attractive young ladies. But the other delikanli was evidenly wise to the game and craftily bided his time. Eventually frozen delikanli was obliged to serve me, which he did with all the cheer of an MMA fighter at the weigh-in, at which point his companion immediately finished serving his customer and pounced upon the two attractive young ladies.

Have ye thought of putting on a bit of lipstick and stuffing a couple of cushions up your vest?

Why do you think he was refusing to serve him?

[rowan]

Think I'd rather be ignored by customer service imbeciles than gawked at and slobbered all over, thanks all the same...

I remember standing in a queue at airport customs one time and the security guys looked so friendly and cheerful, smiling broadly as they chatted away with a group of young foreign ladies. Made me feel much more relaxed about the whole thing. But the moment the ladies had moved on and it was my turn the officers underwent a transformation more remarkable than Jeckyll & Hyde, the Incredible Hulk or Goofy when he gets behind the wheel of an automobile! Scenes from Midnight Express began to flash through my mind as they proceeded to search and interrogate me with all the charm of a pair of concentration camp guards. It was obvious I had completely ruined their day by not being an attractive young lady.

At least I managed to get through it without having to bite anyone's tongue out - tempted though I was for a moment . . .

[SerjeantWildgoose]

The tongue biting scene was a bit of cinematic fabrication; as too was the bit where Billy gently refused the offer of a Swedish buggering in the showers.

[rowan]

The tongue biting scene was a bit of cinematic fabrication; as too was the bit where Billy gently refused the offer of a Swedish buggering in the showers.

The whole story was basically a fabrication. The guy admitted it before his death. I mean, drug smuggler comes out looking like the hero? Only in America!

[SerjeantWildgoose]

I wouldn't go so far as to say that the 'whole' story was a fabrication. Billy Hayes did try and smuggle a couple of kilos of hash out of Turkey; he did get stopped at the airport; he did get a comparatively hefty sentence; and he did escape.

I agree with you that America might have reacted differently if Ficret Dysal had been caught trying to smuggle a couple of kilos of Red Leb into Dulles in 1973.

[morepork]

It lacked the realism of Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

[Galfon]

Squeezy plastic Marmite containers..designed to stand lid-end down.The stuff takes an age to dispense and when the container is about 2/3 empty hardly dispenses at all (take the lid off and it's everywhere).However, come back to the pest a few hours later and it's somehow seeped contents all on it's own over the surface beneath.
Nice idea at the time #74..no way has this been tested on
dummies..

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Marmite?

On the cringe thread?

You are a provocative fecker!

[rowan]

& when Antipodeans start arguing over who invented the stuff!

Why in hell what anybody want to claim it in the first place - unless of course they're arguing about whose fault it was . . .

[SerjeantWildgoose]

For once we are in inseparable agreement. The stuff is the culinary equivalent of 4 months of athletes foot fed on an in-vitro culture of composted Brussels Sprouts and crab sticks.

[Mellsblue]

For once we are in inseparable agreement. The stuff is the culinary equivalent of 4 months of athletes foot fed on an in-vitro culture of composted Brussels Sprouts and crab sticks.

You could’ve just said British Pizza.

FYI, nothing beats hot toast, heart attack inducing amounts of butter and an uneven spread of marmite.

[Galfon]

..especially if toast is granary and topped with either a dollop of beans (heinz), slice of ched. and/or piece o'ham.
....love to see GR's face if demanded this in one of his joints.
nah...best not.