Team Nicknames

[Lizard]

There seems to be a close, inverse correlation between the coolness of team nicknames and the abilities of each team. Here is my ranking and rating of each RWC sides nickname:

20. Nothing (England). No nickname. Nul points. Absolute shitshow in that Red Roses was right there and the women were like, hey thanks we'll take that. F

19. Nothing (Scotland). No nickname. Nul points. Beats England on emblem tie-breaker because thistles, despite being a noxious weed, are cooler than the irretrievable old ladyness of a rose. F

18. Nothing (Ireland). No nickname. Nul points. Gets some sympathy because if they tried to adopt a nickname it would probably cause an outbreak of marching, violence and general fecktoonery (see Flegs, Anthems, etc). F

17. Nothing (Wales). No nickname. Nul points. Whether you take the leek or the prince of Wales poncy feathers, their emblem and badge are gak. However, they do have a pseudo-nickname by leaning into the dragon thing a bit (less than they used to). Dragons are very cool but of course they've village idioted that name down to a regional side. Basically a shambles but some semblance of effort which is better than the other Home Nations. Still an F

15=. Les Bleus (France). Means The Blues. It's just their shirt colour. Absolute minimal effort. D-

15=. Azzuri (Italy). See France. D-

14. All Blacks (New Zealand). Black is the coolest colour. That and the "All" lifts it slightly above the other jersey colour names. D

13. Brave Blossoms (Japan). Changed a while back from the Cherry Blossoms, which although utterly girly at least made some sense. The forced machismo and cringe alliteration of "Brave" was a big backward step. D+

12. Flying Fijians (Fiji). Sorry but putting your nationality in your nickname is cringe, as is forced alliteration. C-

11. Wallabies (Australia). Being about the only non-lethal creature in the West Island, the wallaby is nowhere near to being Australia's coolest animal. It isn't even the best big, bouncy marsupialm which they lost to the criminal code. Must try harder. C

10. Los Teros (Uruguay). Means the southern lapwing, Uruguay's national bird. Sorry, Uruguay, but the Teros is a pretty shit bird that lives in swamps and eats bugs. It also lives in at least two other RWC countries. C

9. Springboks (South Africa). Basically the same as for Australia but for antelopes. At least it's known for its speed. C

8. Welwitschias (Namibia). A long-lived, squat, ugly plant, of dubious utility, that lives in the desert. A perfect match for the Namibian team. C+

7. Manu Samoa (Samoa). Refers to a famous warrior which somehow makes including the country name less cringe. B-

6. Stejarii (Romania). Means The Oaks. Easily the best plant-based name. But still a plant. B

5. Pumas (Argentina). Showing their Tier 2 roots here with a pretty cool nickname, let down by the fact that their logo is in fact a jaguar. B+

4. Os Lobos (Portugal). The Wolves. Wolves are very cool, but there are only ~150 of them in a small part of Portugal. Marked down for appropriation. A-

3. Los Cóndores (Chile). Spanish for The Condors. Alludes to their national and geographical origins without lumping "Chilean" in there. It's a shame Condors are ugly scavengers. A-

2. Lelos (Georgia). Refers to an indigenous form of football apparently with some similarities to rugby. Nice. A

1. ʻIkale Tahi (Tonga). Tongan for Sea Eagles. Similar to Chile but better because a Sea Eagle is cooler than a Condor. A+

[UKHamlet]

Given Black is actually the absence of colour, perhaps "The Dull Greys" would be a more fitting epithet.

[canta_brian]

Yep, black is a shade not a colour and as such is significantly cooler.

[Sourdust]

England - The WOOS.
Scotland - The BRAVEHEARTS.
Ireland - The EMERALDS.
Wales - Need to be named after the massive, lethal winged bastards that litter the skies of the country, so; The SEAGULLS.

[switchskier]

When I was very little I used to think that the Scottish nickname was 'plucky' because it was heard so often adjacent to our national sporting teams and individuals.

[Spiffy]

Traditional (in some quarters) -

Ireland - the Micks
Scotland - the Jocks
Wales - the Taffs
England - the Nigels
France - the Frogs
Italy - the Eyeties
Argentina - the Argies
Australia - the Convicts


.... keep 'em coming.

[newgalesurf]

Portugal - Almost Spanish