Crap Joke fred.

[Which Tyler]

A dozen, a gross and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five time eleven
Is nine squared, and not a bit more

[Galfon]

I saw my teacher scribble that down on graph paper once, we knew he was plotting something.
At least it doesn't mention 288 - that would be two gross.

[Puja]

I saw my teacher scribble that down on graph paper once, we knew he was plotting something.
At least it doesn't mention 288 - that would be two gross.

{golf claps}

Puja

[Spiffy]

I saw my teacher scribble that down on graph paper once, we knew he was plotting something.
At least it doesn't mention 288 - that would be two gross.

Bloke walks into a chemist's shop :

"I'll have 143 condoms please."
"Certainly sir, but why not have 144 - they're cheaper by the gross."
"What do think I am - a fekking sex maniac!"

[Galfon]

A drug-dealer went to his GP for a prostate check-up.
The doctor was surprised to find a roll of fifty-pound notes tucked up his derriere.He counted 39 of these and informed the patient of the £1950 surprise discovery.
'"That explains why I've not been feeling two grand.." he replied.

[Galfon]

My wife wife left me recently due to my passion for guns and weaponry.
Fortunately I have been able to find comfort in the arms of another woman.

<kfc>

[Buggaluggs]

I just joined an autopsy club.

Thursday is open Mike night.

[Which Tyler]

Plain White T.s: A thousand miles seems pretty far. But they've got planes and trains and cars.
The Proclaimers: They have what now?

[Galfon]

Director to Actor disappearing through floorboards: "Are you Ok ?"
Actor: " Fine, it's just a stage I'm going through.."

[Puja]

FB_IMG_1630138692195.jpg

Puja

[Tobylerone]

I went to my Doctor, he told me I was crazy.

I said, "No, No, No, that can`t be right, I want a second opinion."

"Okay, Okay, you`re ugly as well."


Mel Brooks, I think.

[francoisfou]

A dozen, a gross and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five time eleven
Is nine squared, and not a bit more

A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
The cube of its weight
Plus its diameter times eight
Was four fifths of five eighths of fuck all

[Galfon]

A boy was pleased to receive a new bat off his Dad for his birthday.
Unfortunately, just like the old one, when he opened the box
it flew away.

[Galfon]

I'm not that keen on tighter mask wearing rules - steamed-up glasses and squished ears are a right nuisance already..

[Puja]

Do you prefer:
a) Mulled Wine
b) Mulled Cider
c) Mulled Beer
d) Mulled Gin?



This was a mulled tipple choice question.

Puja

[Galfon]

People are cutting back on Brussels sprouts this Christmas apparently.
The cost of gas is too high.

[Galfon]

An Englishman, an Englishman and an Englishman walk into a Nightclub..

[Galfon]

Man walks into a Butcher's:
Butcher: 'I bet a tenner you can't reach the two pieces of meat
up on that top tray..'
Man: 'I'm not betting - the steaks are too high.'

tim v.

[Galfon]

Saw a sheep driving a flashy car through the village the other day -
it was a lamb-orghini.

[Puja]

In another 3028 years, there’s a chance that things will either be really good or really bad.

It’s 5050.

Puja

[Puja]

Map of Europe drawn from memory

capture2.jpg

Puja

[Galfon]

Got rammed from behind by an ice-cream van yesterday at a busy junction, and it now looks like I'm suffering from Mr. Whippy-lash.
The collision was so bad they had to cone the area off..
< tony b >

[Galfon]

That time of year again..
Funniest joke of the Edinburgh Fringe :
winner -Masai Graham, with his pasta joke.

2022 shortlist:

1. "I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta" - Masai Graham

2. "Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery" - Mark Simmons

3. "My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock" - Olaf Falafel

4. "By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I - but it is the same house and it is the same family" - Hannah Fairweather

5. "I hate funerals - I'm not a mourning person" - Will Mars

6. "I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting back" - Olaf Falafel

7. "I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx" - Richard Pulsford

8. "I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery" - Tim Vine

9. "Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate" - Sophie Duker

10. "I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days" - Will Duggan

<beeb>

[Galfon]

What do you call a French chap in sandals ?

Philippe Pheloppe..
<nige h.>

[Galfon]

How do you find Will Smith in the snow ?

Look for the fresh prints..