Intolerable working conditions

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Today I shall be cleaning the oven.

[Mellsblue]

Is that a euphemism?

[Lizard]

Well today I couldn’t get the buggering printer to print in fucking colour and ended up spending an unnecessary 2 minutes sorting that out so I could print a picture of a cocktail on a beach to stick on my office door to remind everyone that I’m not there, I’m at my place in Fiji.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Is that a euphemism?

Don't even think it! The last time I neglected the essential barriers between my euphemistic activities and oven cleaner the IAEA started to take an interest in the contents of my boxers.

[Mellsblue]

Well today I couldn’t get the buggering printer to print in fucking colour and ended up spending an unnecessary 2 minutes sorting that out so I could print a picture of a cocktail on a beach to stick on my office door to remind everyone that I’m not there, I’m at my place in Fiji.

Think outside the box, old bean.

[Coco]

Today I shall be cleaning the oven.

Today I am giving the cat a bath... that is not a euphemisim... then taking him outside to dry while i catch some sun myself.

[Adder]

I'm a bit confused(blame it on my French education) but when you guys say euphemism, do you mean metaphor?

euphemism
ˈjuːfəmɪz(ə)m/Submit
noun
a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.
"the jargon has given us ‘downsizing’ as a euphemism for cuts"
synonyms: polite term, substitute, mild alternative, indirect term, understatement, underplaying, softening, politeness, genteelism, coy term
"‘professional foul’ is just a euphemism for cheating"

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Don't be simile.

[Adder]

That'll learn you.

Top 20 Figures of Speech
Using original figures of speech in our writing is a way to convey meanings in fresh, unexpected ways. Figures can help our readers understand and stay interested in what we have to say.

1. Alliteration: The repetition of an initial consonant sound. Example: She sells seashells by the seashore.

2. Anaphora: The repetition of the same word or phrase at the beginning of successive clauses or verses. Example: Unfortunately, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time on the wrong day.

3. Antithesis: The juxtaposition of contrasting ideas in balanced phrases. Example: As Abraham Lincoln said, "Folks who have no vices have very few virtues."

4. Apostrophe: Directly addressing a nonexistent person or an inanimate object as though it were a living being. Example: "Oh, you stupid car, you never work when I need you to," Bert sighed.

5. Assonance: Identity or similarity in sound between internal vowels in neighboring words. Example: How now, brown cow?

6. Chiasmus: A verbal pattern in which the second half of an expression is balanced against the first but with the parts reversed. Example: The famous chef said people should live to eat, not eat to live.

7. Euphemism: The substitution of an inoffensive term for one considered offensively explicit. Example: "We're teaching our toddler how to go potty," Bob said.

8. Hyperbole: An extravagant statement; the use of exaggerated terms for the purpose of emphasis or heightened effect. Example: I have a ton of things to do when I get home.

9. Irony: The use of words to convey the opposite of their literal meaning. Also, a statement or situation where the meaning is contradicted by the appearance or presentation of the idea. Example: "Oh, I love spending big bucks," said my dad, a notorious penny pincher.

10. Litotes: A figure of speech consisting of an understatement in which an affirmative is expressed by negating its opposite. Example: A million dollars is no small chunk of change.

11. Metaphor: An implied comparison between two dissimilar things that have something in common. Example: "All the world's a stage."

12. Metonymy: A figure of speech in a word or phrase is substituted for another with which it's closely associated; also, the rhetorical strategy of describing something indirectly by referring to things around it. Example: "That stuffed suit with the briefcase is a poor excuse for a salesman," the manager said angrily.

13. Onomatopoeia: The use of words that imitate the sounds associated with the objects or actions they refer to. Example: The clap of thunder went bang and scared my poor dog.

14. Oxymoron: A figure of speech in which incongruous or contradictory terms appear side by side. Example: "He popped the jumbo shrimp in his mouth."

15. Paradox: A statement that appears to contradict itself. Example: "This is the beginning of the end," said Eeyore, always the pessimist.

16. Personification: A figure of speech in which an inanimate object or abstraction is endowed with human qualities or abilities. Example: That kitchen knife will take a bite out of your hand if you don't handle it safely.

17. Pun: ​A play on words, sometimes on different senses of the same word and sometimes on the similar sense or sound of different words. Example: Jessie looked up from her breakfast and said, "A boiled egg every morning is hard to beat."

18. Simile: A stated comparison (usually formed with "like" or "as") between two fundamentally dissimilar things that have certain qualities in common. Example: Roberto was white as a sheet after he walked out of the horror movie.

19. Synecdoche: A figure of speech in which a part is used to represent the whole. Example: Tina is learning her ABC's in preschool.

20. Understatement: A figure of speech in which a writer or speaker deliberately makes a situation seem less important or serious than it is. Example: "You could say Babe Ruth was a decent ballplayer," the reporter said with a wink.

[Numbers]

That'll learn you.

Top 20 Figures of Speech
Using original figures of speech in our writing is a way to convey meanings in fresh, unexpected ways. Figures can help our readers understand and stay interested in what we have to say.

1. Alliteration: The repetition of an initial consonant sound. Example: She sells seashells by the seashore.

2. Anaphora: The repetition of the same word or phrase at the beginning of successive clauses or verses. Example: Unfortunately, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time on the wrong day.

3. Antithesis: The juxtaposition of contrasting ideas in balanced phrases. Example: As Abraham Lincoln said, "Folks who have no vices have very few virtues."

4. Apostrophe: Directly addressing a nonexistent person or an inanimate object as though it were a living being. Example: "Oh, you stupid car, you never work when I need you to," Bert sighed.

5. Assonance: Identity or similarity in sound between internal vowels in neighboring words. Example: How now, brown cow?

6. Chiasmus: A verbal pattern in which the second half of an expression is balanced against the first but with the parts reversed. Example: The famous chef said people should live to eat, not eat to live.

7. Euphemism: The substitution of an inoffensive term for one considered offensively explicit. Example: "We're teaching our toddler how to go potty," Bob said.

8. Hyperbole: An extravagant statement; the use of exaggerated terms for the purpose of emphasis or heightened effect. Example: I have a ton of things to do when I get home.

9. Irony: The use of words to convey the opposite of their literal meaning. Also, a statement or situation where the meaning is contradicted by the appearance or presentation of the idea. Example: "Oh, I love spending big bucks," said my dad, a notorious penny pincher.

10. Litotes: A figure of speech consisting of an understatement in which an affirmative is expressed by negating its opposite. Example: A million dollars is no small chunk of change.

11. Metaphor: An implied comparison between two dissimilar things that have something in common. Example: "All the world's a stage."

12. Metonymy: A figure of speech in a word or phrase is substituted for another with which it's closely associated; also, the rhetorical strategy of describing something indirectly by referring to things around it. Example: "That stuffed suit with the briefcase is a poor excuse for a salesman," the manager said angrily.

13. Onomatopoeia: The use of words that imitate the sounds associated with the objects or actions they refer to. Example: The clap of thunder went bang and scared my poor dog.

14. Oxymoron: A figure of speech in which incongruous or contradictory terms appear side by side. Example: "He popped the jumbo shrimp in his mouth."

15. Paradox: A statement that appears to contradict itself. Example: "This is the beginning of the end," said Eeyore, always the pessimist.

16. Personification: A figure of speech in which an inanimate object or abstraction is endowed with human qualities or abilities. Example: That kitchen knife will take a bite out of your hand if you don't handle it safely.

17. Pun: ​A play on words, sometimes on different senses of the same word and sometimes on the similar sense or sound of different words. Example: Jessie looked up from her breakfast and said, "A boiled egg every morning is hard to beat."

18. Simile: A stated comparison (usually formed with "like" or "as") between two fundamentally dissimilar things that have certain qualities in common. Example: Roberto was white as a sheet after he walked out of the horror movie.

19. Synecdoche: A figure of speech in which a part is used to represent the whole. Example: Tina is learning her ABC's in preschool.

20. Understatement: A figure of speech in which a writer or speaker deliberately makes a situation seem less important or serious than it is. Example: "You could say Babe Ruth was a decent ballplayer," the reporter said with a wink.

That an awful example of an oxymoron, this has all the hallmarks of an American website.

[onlynameleft]

That an awful example of an oxymoron, this has all the hallmarks of an American website.

Given the irony example I think it might have been written by Alanis Morissette.

[Numbers]

That an awful example of an oxymoron, this has all the hallmarks of an American website.

Given the irony example I think it might have been written by Alanis Morissette.

Evocative of the Ed Byrne sketch

[onlynameleft]

Is it? Is that good?

[Numbers]

Is it? Is that good?

A bit dated.

[Lizard]

There is an angry mob gathering in the lunch room. In all the excitement over the slap-up morning tea laid on yesterday to celebrate the new financial year, someone seems to have forgotten to lay out the cheese for Free-Cheese-Wednesday today (not to mention the crackers, pickles, tomatoes and various chutneys etc.)

It’s just chaos. Nearly spilt my freshly-brewed coffee.

The Chair will have to explain just what the hell is going, possibly at the drinks function on Friday.

[morepork]

Do you all sing the school song at meetings?

[cashead]

Fucking crybabies - I have to spend my Friday tomorrow learning about Catholicism because I now work at a Catholic school.


To be honest, I don't mind it so much, but it's the setting relief that's a pain in the balls.

[Lizard]

Do you all sing the school song at meetings?

I’ll run that idea up the flag-pole at the next F2F and ask the people on the bus to give it some blue sky thinking.

Also, we had a replacement Free Cheese day today, but muggins here had a teleconference that went right through morning tea time.

[Banquo]

Do you all sing the school song at meetings?

I’ll run that idea up the flag-pole at the next F2F and ask the people on the bus to give it some blue sky thinking.

Also, we had a replacement Free Cheese day today, but muggins here had a teleconference that went right through morning tea time.

Mate, you are behind the times in ideation; you need to give proposals a stir in the think-wok.

[Lizard]

JFC. The free hot cross buns today weren't. They were lukewarm at best. And the crosses were wonky.

[Galfon]

One forgets in a non air-con. busy customer facing office
how uncomfortable and smelly it can get...nearly Bastille day before this tipping point has been reached this year so not too bad. Sensible call from our Gallic cousins (who are more whiff-tolerant) to shut their country down and head to the coast or mountains for a month every year from that day.

[kk67]

Sod being an “expert commentator,” I mean who watches breakfast television anyway?

A bunch of seriously dodgy feckers who are currently taking us to hell in a hand basket.
Anyone else noticed that all the lead characters in the US sitcoms they show in the morning are all psychopaths ?. Ray, Frasier, Sheldon Cooper, Seinfeld, Melissa and Joey....
They lie to and sabotage the lives of the people they should love.
M.A.S.H. was never like that.

[Lizard]

Bloody hell! The wifi on my flight at the moment is so slow I can barely bunk off work and post on here. And I bet it’s going to be too hot when I get to Noosa for my conference. I bet that the complimentary beer in Queensland is gash too.

[Lizard]

The complimentary Pinot noir on the flight is certainly no better than par.

[Coco]

Sod being an “expert commentator,” I mean who watches breakfast television anyway?

A bunch of seriously dodgy feckers who are currently taking us to hell in a hand basket.
Anyone else noticed that all the lead characters in the US sitcoms they show in the morning are all psychopaths ?. Ray, Frasier, Sheldon Cooper, Seinfeld, Melissa and Joey....
They lie to and sabotage the lives of the people they should love.
M.A.S.H. was never like that.

Have a cable channel here where M.A.S.H. is on the line up a good majority of the day... it never gets old.