Unethical?

[WiganShark]

Scenario: A close friend of mine has been Cuckolded by his wife. Story is... He found out on the morning of Friday 2nd, she came home from work that evening and he asked her about this man with whom she was having an affair. Next she said well now you know I'm going to let him know, went upstairs and phoned him. Came down minutes later gave her husband his eng and wedding ring and said we are now separated, left and went to stay with this man in a hotel because be had left his wife and family so they could be together. Both are 58 the husband 71 she now wants to divorce him on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour for a quick resolution. The situation is currently, my mate is in a new apartment (sheltered) whilst she and cuckoo are in the marital home. Mate left for his own benefit.

The unethical bit! Mates wife is a Head in a CE primary church school, he is the rep for a children’s newspaper, they first met in March when he called at the school selling his wares. The started to conduct their affair in late April and it has blossomed they now being a item.

Obviously the whole scenario is bad, neither the school governors or education authority are aware other than she and her husband have separated.

Dilemma? should the authority be informed that a person selling into their schools should be aloud to continue and his company informed of his actions since he seduced and has been conducting an affair since April, and is she the first he has tried it on with?

She as head teacher still attends church regularly, is fulfilling her roll as head, reads the prayers at church and is still acting as a respected member of the community!

[WaspInWales]

Tricky one. Does your mate want to score revenge points by notifying the school and his company? If so, it's probably a good start Tbh, that route could get very messy for all involved and is it worth the hassle?

It sounds like a typical work place affair. Probably won't last and when his wife comes running back, I hope he tells her to do one.

I'm surprised your mate moved out of the house though?! He's done fuck all wrong and there's no way I'd let the new fella move in. Have divorce proceedings started yet? I'm not sure on how things like that work but I'd be keen to sell the house pronto or let the wife and her fella buy his share out then just move on.

[morepork]

Is the unethical bit because she is a member of the church?

[WiganShark]

Cheers Waspy,
Not sure he does want revenge, he’s pretty much stoic about it all but it’s not just him, their daughters are devastated, family blown apart, the hurt and misery caused by the whole affair is quite far reaching even to the grand children, so much so they have disowned her and are supporting Dad. They are not covering up either and if anybody asks them they are telling the truth, Mum has committed adultery, Dads moved out for the sake of good order and he’s moved in! The affair started back in April. Not sure there is any going back, and the truth I believe will out eventually, these things have a habit of coming to light without the need for the hassle.

[WiganShark]

Is the unethical bit because she is a member of the church?

Not necessarily, but I've known them for many years and we are close friends or were, but that is part of it, not counting for the fact that she is also a National Leader of Education, and works for the local diocese as an adviser. School is held up as a centre of excellence based on christian values and she a stalwart at church. Just hope I'm not around when the shit hits suspect it will get messy.

[morepork]

Is the unethical bit because she is a member of the church?

Not necessarily, but I've known them for many years and we are close friends or were, but that is part of it, not counting for the fact that she is also a National Leader of Education, and works for the local diocese as an adviser. School is held up as a centre of excellence based on christian values and she a stalwart at church. Just hope I'm not around when the shit hits suspect it will get messy.

Her behaviour is rank, but these Christian values are irrelevant over and above hypocrisy.

[kk67]

I'm surprised your mate moved out of the house though?! He's done fuck all wrong and there's no way I'd let the new fella move in.

Moving out can be the only thing to do. Living with poison and hate is not easy.....especially if you're still in love with the other person. A moment arrives when you say: 'bugger the legal implications this cannot get any worse'.

[WaspInWales]

I'm surprised your mate moved out of the house though?! He's done fuck all wrong and there's no way I'd let the new fella move in.

Moving out can be the only thing to do. Living with poison and hate is not easy.....especially if you're still in love with the other person. A moment arrives when you say: 'bugger the legal implications this cannot get any worse'.

Bollocks to that.

[Eugene Wrayburn]

Doesn't the CofE now marry divorcees? If so I can't see that there's any relevance to her impending divorce or the cause of it to her job or his and they'd have a serious job convincing a tribunal otherwise.

As for grassing on them to their employers, that would be petty and vindictive and not much less unethical than the affair.

[Sandydragon]

I think I'd prefer the moral high ground. Your mate has been shafted and at some point it will all become public anyway. Better if such a news break isn't done by him, or one of his mates, so at least in court he remains above reproach.

I think he might need a good divorce lawyer though. I get why leaving the house may seem like the easy option, but that might have implications later on.

[kk67]

I get why leaving the house may seem like the easy option, but that might have implications later on.

It's not the easy option, (no decisions taken under these circumstances are easy) but the guys who fight tooth and nail end up more miserable and poor than if they'd just swallowed their pride and got on with rebuilding their life.
Again I would say living in a constant climate of spite and hatred is impossible. In some ways it's worse than coping with a bereavement because the painful stuff just keeps on coming.

[onlynameleft]

Ignoring the morality for a minute, here's the legality.
I assume they are co owners of the marital property. As a married couple the chances are they own as beneficial joint tenants. That is, rather than owning a divisible share each, they each have a share of the whole. He is much older than her, as things stand, if he dies first his share automatically goes to her. He should serve what is called a notice of severance in relation to the property, splitting the joint tenancy and making them tenants in common. In that case, if and when he dies he can leave his share of the marital home to the daughters.
Its a simple document, any reasonably proficient matrimonial or property lawyer can do it.

[SerjeantWildgoose]

Hmmm, I get that these things can tend to get emotional, but when people start bandying the words 'Cuckold' and 'adultery' about I can't help but imagine that bearded men are reaching for the stoning pamphlet.

Seems like the 71-year old mate is handling this with far more dignity and measure than any of the onlookers.

[J Dory]

How did I miss this thread before now?!

Look, in these situations, you there are a few key points that need to be considered:
- Does the new guy get bj's?
- Does he have a bigger willy than the husband?
- Does he have more hair?

If the answer to all three is yes, I'd recommend some kind of bloody rampage.

[morepork]

What would Chris Ashton do?

[kk67]

Ignoring the morality for a minute, here's the legality.

Quality posting, Fella. Where were you 13 yrs ago..?.

[WaspInWales]

What would Chris Ashton do?

Bite followed by swan dive?

[kk67]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... mself.html

I reckon your mate has done the right thing, Wigan.
Tell him from me he's got a big pair.

[WaspInWales]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... mself.html

I reckon your mate has done the right thing, Wigan.
Tell him from me he's got a big pair.

You do realise that it wasn't a choice between cold blooded murder and moving out of the marital home kk?

[kk67]

You do realise that it wasn't a choice between cold blooded murder and moving out of the marital home kk?

When humans or animals are in despair they will do some very odd things. It's terrifying how quickly things can deteriorate and what seemingly normal people will do when they're pushed into a corner and feeling rejected.
Killing loved ones is beyond my understanding but the story is a good indication of just how dangerous these situations can become for all those concerned.
Seeing the practical and long term benefit to swallowing your pride, even when you're in the right, is one of the most difficult lessons an adult male can go through, women though seem to understand this lesson quite early in their lives and resolve to never let themselves be put into that situation ever again.

[WaspInWales]

You do realise that it wasn't a choice between cold blooded murder and moving out of the marital home kk?

When humans or animals are in despair they will do some very odd things. It's terrifying how quickly things can deteriorate and what seemingly normal people will do when they're pushed into a corner and feeling rejected.
Killing loved ones is beyond my understanding but the story is a good indication of just how dangerous these situations can become for all those concerned.
Seeing the practical and long term benefit to swallowing your pride, even when you're in the right, is one of the most difficult lessons an adult male can go through, women though seem to understand this lesson quite early in their lives and resolve to never let themselves be put into that situation ever again.

The first line of the DM article describes that fella as a bullying husband so perhaps seemingly normal doesn't really explain that case.

I'm not debating that some people react to certain situations in extreme ways as that certainly does happen.

Not sure I agree with your comments regarding women swallowing their pride as some sort of natural instinct though. Some women are just as likely to react poorly to difficult situations as some men imo. I don't have facts and figures to support that but I stand by it.

[kk67]

The first line of the DM article describes that fella as a bullying husband so perhaps seemingly normal doesn't really explain that case.

I'm not debating that some people react to certain situations in extreme ways as that certainly does happen.

Not sure I agree with your comments regarding women swallowing their pride as some sort of natural instinct though. Some women are just as likely to react poorly to difficult situations as some men imo. I don't have facts and figures to support that but I stand by it.

Yup,...all of this sh*t is hatefully anecdotal and subjective. But it can get very freaky.
I wasn't saying that women had a natural instinct to learn that lesson. I just noted they learned it earlier.

Does sound a bit daft now I read it again.

[gthedog]

An anonymous letter to the local paper should sort the karma
Hypocrisy in church or well paid school positions is not a new thing but people should know of it in my view

[kk67]

An anonymous letter to the local paper should sort the karma
Hypocrisy in church or well paid school positions is not a new thing but people should know of it in my view

You financial types, you love the anonymous letter.
You think it makes you the voice of reason. Nope.

PWC served multiple, multi-million pound fines for conflict of interest,.....and still hired as government justification.
This isn't practicality,.....it's theft.

Making family law like a financial case is inhuman at best and barbaric in the main.

[gthedog]

An anonymous letter to the local paper should sort the karma
Hypocrisy in church or well paid school positions is not a new thing but people should know of it in my view

You financial types, you love the anonymous letter.
You think it makes you the voice of reason. Nope.

PWC served multiple, multi-million pound fines for conflict of interest,.....and still hired as government justification.
This isn't practicality,.....it's theft.

Making family law like a financial case is inhuman at best and barbaric in the main.

WTF are you rambling on about?