RugbyRebels

A flooring shop near us routinely scrawl crap jokes on their shop window as an unusual marketing ploy..some are bad enough to be worthy of being repeated- here's one:

' I took my car in for a service yesterday and, being blonde, was worried that the garage would try and rip me off.
Luckily, I was told that I just needed some new indicator fliud.'

kfc/2..
Came home drunk late last night and found she'd changed the locks.She refused to let me in despite all the shouting, banging and things thrown at the windows, so I just gave up.
On the way round to my Mum's I noticed the bitch had craftilly changed the road name as well.

Where do sharks go on holiday?

Finland!

Patient: 'I have something looking like a large strawberry growing out the top of my head..'

Doctor: 'I've got some cream you could put on it..'

Hydrogen atom: I've lost my electron

Bartender: Are you sure?

Hydrogen atom: Yes. I'm positive.

Barmaid to bald customer: 'What's with all those rabbits you've just had tattoo'd on your bonce ?'

Customer: 'I reckon that, from a distance, they'll look like hares..'

What have a giraffe and an elephant got in common?

They've both got an extremely long neck; except the elephant.

What has four letters, sometimes has nine and never has five.

Yes they do.

Saw it on Facebook this morning and wished I hadn't

Diner - Waiter, how long will my spaghetti be?
Waiter - I don't know. We've never measured it.

Looks like you're in your element with this thread, Sarge

rowan wrote:Looks like you're in your element with this thread, Sarge

Indeed. Crap jokes are to me what pictures of girls with big tits and crap political satire are to others

We should just combine the two threads

Man walks into a Dental Surgery -
Receptionist: 'Good afternoon, how can I help ?'
Man: 'I keep thinking I'm a moth.'
Receptionist: 'Sorry Sir, but the Doctors' Surgery is next door..'
Man: I know, I just came in when I saw the light was on..'

3 pieces of string go into a bar and shout three pints of stout. The barman says "sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here", so they all leave. Outside, one of the pieces of string says to his friends "Fck that, I'm going to go ask again". So he goes back in, "Three pints of stout please!". But the barman belligerently responds "I already told you that we do not serve pieces of string in this pub!". The piece of string leaves and tells his friends. So, one of the strings says "Hey, I have an idea!" He then frays himself and ties himself in a knot, goes back in and asks for three pints. The barman says, "You're that string that came in a few minutes ago, aren't you?"

"No I'm afraid not!"

Vengeful Glutton wrote:3 pieces of string go into a bar and shout three pints of stout. The barman says "sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here", so they all leave. Outside, one of the pieces of string says to his friends "Fck that, I'm going to go ask again". So he goes back in, "Three pints of stout please!". But the barman belligerently responds "I already told you that we do not serve pieces of string in this pub!". The piece of string leaves and tells his friends. So, one of the strings says "Hey, I have an idea!" He then frays himself and ties himself in a knot, goes back in and asks for three pints. The barman says, "You're that string that came in a few minutes ago, aren't you?"

"No I'm afraid not!"

There's always some gimp ruins it by laughing at his own crap joke!

Patient: 'Whenever I wake up I appear to be surrounded by pink elephants, floating all around me, they seem to be everywhere..'
Nurse: 'Have you seen a Doctor yet ?'
Patient: 'No, just elephants..'

What's the difference between a truck load of sand and a truck load of babies?

You can't unload a truck load of sand with a pitch fork.

Interviewer: Roger, what's the best thing about being Swiss?

Roger Federer: Well the flag's a big plus.

What do you call 15 guys sitting around the TV watching the Super Rugby play-offs?

The Auckland Blues.

AC / DC ~ are they still current . ?

A well known rugby commentator walked ino a bar carrying a pig under his arm.
The stunned barman asked 'Where the hell did you get that from?'
'I won him in a raffle...', replied the pig.

Wait, some of these jokes are actually funny

How in the name of Holy F*ck would you know!?!?